**Today's guest post comes in from "G. Ross"**
I'm sick of DIW. Sorry to say, but I am. It has way too many stories from chicks who just rip on dudes. Makes me wonder if it's become a front for a bunch of angry dykes who don't know how to actually be with a man.
I digress.
I'm sending this story in about a woman I began dating a few months ago to try and offset all the male-bashing going on. This site used to be better. It used to have stories from guys about the very real phenomenon of crazy chicks. What happened? Where'd c.vance go? My father always taught me that if you're going to bitch about something then you better be prepared to try and fix it. So here's to you pops.
S**** and I began dating after a heavy night of drinking. Blah blah...one night stand...turned into a first date....and here we are hanging out four months later. She's a cool girl. Into a lot of the same stuff I am. Doesn't run her mouth too much and when she does, it's not complete inane blathering. So she's got that going for her.
Everything's been going great. Good sex. Decent conversation. Not overly clingly. Just great. Until a few nights ago when I walked in on her in the bathroom.
Now my pops also told me that women have bags of tricks that men should never, ever try to open. This is what makes them female, he said. Appreciate the magic but don't try to understand the magic. Apparently the bathroom is where women practice their magic. Wish he had told me that one.
We'd just finished having sex and S**** jumped out of bed to "freshen up" as women-folk like to say. Ok, fine. Whatever. About 12 minutes go by. My need to pee is pretty intense by now. I originally thought she'd take no more than 5 minutes. How much water do you need to splash down there to freshen up ladies?
How wrong I was.
I finally say fuck it and knock on the bathroom door. No answer. Dude. I need to piss. Bad. So I say fuck it again and open the door.
S**** is kneeling on top of the sink, inches away from the mirror, plucking hairs from her nipples. She screams when I walk in and falls off the counter. I am so startled I just stand there, mouth gaping.
She begins yelling at me about fucking knocking and bum rushes me out of the bathroom. I am too bewildered by what I saw to do anything except allow her to shoo me out. I go to the porch and take a leak off the side of it. Thank god for dicks.
We haven't discussed it. Thank god. It's weird though. The image in burned into my mind. Sometimes it flashes while we're having sex and I go to suck on her tits. Weird dude. Fucking weird. Chicks are weird. |
|
Things I learned the hard way |
 |
 |
 |
- Taking relationships slow is rarely regrettable. OK, there was that one time that you took things slow and the potential love of your life got hit by a car before you got a chance to see where things were going, but other than that? Draw out twitterpation. It's good for the soul.
- Just because your mom wants you to ask your boyfriend to be in the family Olan Mills photos she's scheduling doesn't mean you should ask him.
- If you're going to plan a vacation to Mexico with a new boyfriend and his family, be sure you're comfortable enough to ask them if you can stop at the store for some anti-diarrheal medication. You also might want to be sure you can handle a surf-related wardrobe malfunction in front of his dad. Especially if you're not so good at ducking waves (Note to non-Pacific NW readers: People from Oregon don't usually swim in the Ocean, it's too effing cold. So that whole counter-intuitive dive into the wave to avoid getting smashed by it thing? Some of us missed that lesson.)
C'mon readers. What did you learn the hard way? |
|
Five Ways to Test Your Compatibility on a Date |
|
|
|
 We don't advocate your trying these kinds of things on a first date. The first time, you'll be too nervous and awkward around each other to get much mileage out of these. What these are, are ideas for the third date and up - when you're through assessing whether they're someone you'd want to spend more time with and now it's just a question of seeing if you're right for each other. #1. Go for a little trip together. This can be as simple as driving across the city, or perhaps taking a chartered boat across the harbor. Traveling, just the two of you, you get to see how your date handles functional activities instead of recreational ones. Driving, especially, is an easy one to read. If your date drives, do they impatiently race, or are they happy to go with the flow of traffic? When they park, do they pick the first open space or do they circle the lot three times looking for the closest possible space? If you drive, is your date comfortable with you in control? If it's a trip, is your date anxious and fidgety, not knowing what to do with themselves? #2. Take a walk in the park. This is kind of a way to get the two of you away from distractions. Without food, drinks, music, or activities, you'll have nothing to do but just chat with each other. If you both feel awkward, this might be a sign that you're not cut out for each other. If you settle down beneath a tree and spend hours just enjoying each other's company, that's an excellent sign! #3. Run some errands with your date. The third date or so is probably the time you can be excused to have a few events in everyday life intrude on your leisure life, anyway. So before you get the date-proper underway, just explain that you have to do one quick thing forst and offer to take them along. Nothing complicated! Pick up the dry cleaning, grab a couple of things at the market, or maybe you promised to feed the neighbor's pet while they're out... don't make it something that takes longer than 20 minutes. Is your date sporting enough that they'll want to come along? Do they act put off that they aren't the priority for even this minute? Do they 'team up' and help you? #4. Play a game. Any social sport will do - a billiards round, a game of darts, miniature golf, ping pong, skee-ball, bocce, or bowling. You can even offer to compete for a round on your Wii! The point of this is to see how your date performs under competitive circumstances. Are they so driven that they must win at all costs? Are they sore losers? Insufferable winners? Remember that the way they play a competitive game is the exact same way they'll act in an argument. If your date is rooting for you to win and offers pointers on how to improve the game, even if you beat them, that's a great sign! #5. Spend a full day together. This is a much more involving version of the two-hour date. Perhaps you can go to a resort, spend a day at the beach, or even go shopping together. Anything that will involve at least two meals during the length of time. This shows how your date hangs in there for the long haul. Watch for how they interact with other people: are they polite and courteous with waitresses and sales clerks? Do they get cranky if they get hungry? Do they get tired easily? Do you work well together as a team? Jodie Brittain |
|
Dear Serial: Who buys dinner? |
|
|
|
Dear Serial,
So, I'm back into the dating scene again after a 15-year hiatus, and am totally clueless about protocol, etc. I figured that you, Ms. Serial, as a renowned and infamous serial dater, might have some advice on first dates, having had SOOOOOO many.
So, I have a date tomorrow with a friend of a friend. We're planning to go out for dinner, and I'm unsure about the whole payment thing. I mean, it used to be that dudes were always expected to pay, but when I was dating before, that wasn't always the deal. I mean, some women were actually offended by that and felt like if the man paid, there was an expectation. Plus, this is a reaaaaallly casual date. I have no idea if I'm at all "into" this woman. I'm kinda just wanting to go on some dates and see how it all works again.
So, should I pay or not?
Mr. Completely Out Of the Loop
Dear Mr. Cool (nice work on that one, by the by),
Yes. Pay for dinner.
Love,
Serial
OK, cool, sorry. You probably were looking for some justification on this one. So just to be sure, I surveyed women of various ages, and all said that yes, they want a man to pay for dinner. One response was, and I'm not making this up, "If he wants a blow job he'll pay."
Now, I'm not saying buying dinner automatically entitles you to a blow job, you'll have to show up with flowers or something in order to earn that (and not roses, for the love of god). Most women will go on a date with the expectation that she might have to pay half. One woman said that she always takes enough cash to pay for half of dinner and a cab ride home. Now maybe my sample's unenlightened and anti-feminist, but ... there's a good chance that a lady who's going to go on such a traditional first date is not exactly avant-garde.
Personally, if I go out with a guy, and offer to pay half (I always offer), and my cash doesn't get turned down, I assume he's not that into me. So, I guess if that's the message you want to convey, then by all means, split the check. Hell, try to get her to pay. That could work out really well for you, I guess. Perhaps she's rich and looking for a kept man? Stranger things have happened.
XOXO Cool,
Serial
Got a question for the Serial Monogamist? Send it on over to seriallymonogamous[at]gmail[dot]com. |
*** Today we have an anonymous guest post with a little (though direct) message for the fellas ***
Hey, so I just want to say, from a woman's perspective, for all the guys out there: I do not want you to put things in my ass. If I do want you to put something in my ass, I'll go ahead and tell you. Otherwise, maybe it's safe to assume that no, I do not want you to put your dick or your finger in my ass.
Seriously, every dude I'm with, when we're going at it, and I'm getting close, will grab hold of the cheeks (THIS IS GOOD!) and then a finger will wander southward. THIS IS NOT GOOD. I'm trying to focus on getting off, I do not need to be thinking, "Oh, god, is he putting his finger in my ass? What if his finger smells afterward?" It's just goddam distracting. The thing is, guys, women do not have prostates. So applying pressure to my arse doesn't feel the same for me as it does for you. Are you trying to tell me you want me to put my finger in yours when you're about to come? If so, then tell me by TELLING ME. I'll do it. No biggie. Don't tell me by sticking your finger in my pooper.
Now, I know some women are into anal. You know what though? They're into it. They'll ask for it. Or, you can ask them for it, and they'll agree to it. Don't test the waters by trying to dipstick a test run. Among other things, if you shove your peter in my crapper, you then can't stick it in my vag. There are bacteria that live in the back door that should not go to the front (this is where the whole "front to back" thing comes from).
Thank you. |
|
Post A Winning Photo To Your Online Dating Profile |
|
|
|
The age of digital cameras is upon us, and with it comes what we've come to call a "proficiency illusion". That is, when a technology becomes cheap and widely available, everybody thinks that there must be nothing to it. Witness the digital art all over the web that sprung up overnight as soon as graphics editing software hit the market. Ugh.
Taking a portrait of a person is an art. It is rapidly becoming one that is unfortunately forgotten.
We'll come out and say it right here: if we never see a photo that somebody took of themselves in the bathroom mirror again, it will be too soon. These pictures are everywhere: sloppy clothes, awkwardly holding the camera, and worst of all, a streaky, dingy mirror and a background which tells the world that the subject of the photo is a huge slob.
In addition to that, the photo shows that they're someone with no imagination, else they'd be taking it in a full-length bedroom mirror, and no friends, else they'd be able to have someone else take the picture.
Here's some more ways that people fail their dating photo:
In an office:
The problem with offices is that they all have fluorescent lighting. Fluorescent light is a hard, harsh, cold light that makes everyone look terrible. It saps the color from your skin, making you look like a coldblooded zombie. It etches every wrinkle into your face, making you look ten years older.
In a bar or pub:
The problem with a bar or pub is that it's too dark. Even flash photography will only illuminate so much. Bars also don't look that great, decoratively speaking. The people in a bar don't always look their best, and might be in the mood to moon the camera over your shoulder. Finally, do you really want an image of you after a few beers or jello shots preserved forever?
Jodie Brittain
Online Dating |
 Oh, is that ever a chilling headline for the parent of teenagers! Well, fear not, for author Lisa Jander has written a book called "Dater's Ed: The Instruction Manual for Parents". It's based on the idea of "Driver's Ed" from high school. Yes, teens will groan and roll their eyes as parents the world over read out loud from this manual and give tests. For the teens and young singles, parents owe you an explanation. Because you're wondering "What gives with mom and dad? Why are they so uptight? Did they expect me to be a nun?" Well, it's natural to feel defensive about your kids. It's less about micro-managing who you love and why - than it is about putting you on safety watch so your folks don't have to lie awake at night with pictures of psychos and stalkers go through their heads. That being said, any parent should acknowledge that they're going to be wrong about who their children date at least 25% of the time. How could you possibly not get it wrong? You're a parent! Jodie Brittain |
|
The reason singles leave online dating sites |
|
|
|
We have a short survey for members when they suspend their online dating accounts at slinky.com.au
Before they suspend their memberships they are asked why they are leaving us. I have included the results from the last 12 months for you to see.
Account Suspend Statistics
25.37% - - 1. I have found a partner here
21.83% - - 2. I have found a partner at another dating site
17.99% - - 3. I have found a partner somewhere else
03.17% - - 4. I just joined for a look around - I've got a partner
15.35% - - 5. I just joined for a look - but changed my mind
01.27% - - 6. I just joined for a look - but I want a sex site
01.20% - - 7. The site was too slow
01.41% - - 8. I was sent too much system mail
04.77% - - 9. The matches didn't suit me
02.47% - - 10. Not enough members in my area
Hope you find it interesting.
Have fun dating.
Jodie Brittain |
|
Most On How To Post A Winning Photo To Your Online Dating Profile |
|
|
|
Tips for your dating profile continued...
Not dressed up:
Surely, you own something besides a dirty, torn T-shirt and a pair of raggy jeans? Even the most dedicated grunge-hound teen has at least one outfit they can wear to, say, a job interview. Being poor is no handicap in online dating. Not having a job isn't one, either. Not having the motivation to at least drag yourself to the thrift store for one set of dress pants and a jacket, however, is.
Flashing gang signs:
We know the difference between hip-hop and gang culture. You should, too. You're online looking for a date, not for a posse to help you hold up the corner store.
Up-close body parts:
Male or female, we appreciate that you're a swinging exhibitionist and you've just got to be free. At least save the detail for the second picture, if requested. The thing about taking a picture of just one part of you is that you're saying to the world "The rest of me has no value; this is the only part worth showing." Men, if you only knew how many women complain about this. Save your little buddy for after she gets to know the rest of you first.
In a costume:
Dressing up for Halloween and other fun occasions is a great time to get your picture taken. You can save that for the second picture, however. It's hard to tell what you really look like in a costume. If you think this goes without saying, you haven't browsed enough online dating profiles.
Now that we've gotten some "don't" out of the way, here's how you take a good photo for your online dating profile:
Have someone else take it.
Use warm, full light, from the front side mostly. Natural daylight is ideal. Use a neutral background - at home in the living room is fine, but make sure there isn't a lot of noisy distraction behind you in any case. Wear your best outfit and be well-groomed. Smile! Smiling is important in dating. Try to chose an outfit that expresses your personality, if that's possible. See your photo as a composition: think about the effect you want to create.
Some other ideas:
Posing with a pet or favorite hobby is fine, and gives people an idea of your interests. Posing with friends is fine, as long as you are the center of and subject of the picture, and then you have to explain which one is you.
Posing at the beach or the park is great, shows that you like to have leisurely fun, and both the ocean and green grass and trees make for an excellent background. Posing at work is cool only if you have a prestigious job. Work uniforms are great if you're talking fireman or air force, not so great if you're talking Woolworths.
Jodie Brittain
Free Online Dating |
|
If you're single, there's someting wrong with you |
|
|
|
Katie Ett over at Unapologetically Mundane posted the following this week:
“More to Love” is my favourite/most hated show on television right now. I was torn between it and “NYC Prep” on the first Tuesday night it aired, but after watching 20 fat women cry nonstop for an hour, I knew I made the right choice, and I’ve been making it every week since.
I’m not a person who believes weight has anything to do with love. I’m not thin, and I’ve loved and been loved in return by all sorts of men, thin and not-thin themselves. (But mostly thin, because fat people are gross. (Kidding.)) These big-boned ladies all truly believe, though, that their one shot at love is this 26-year-old spike-haired real estate developer who likes to eat and doesn’t want a woman who watches her weight.
And they all cry about it throughout every episode. Their skinny friends get hit on at bars. They’ve never had serious boyfriends. They’ve never been on a single date. And there’s a reason for that.
If you’re single–if you’re perpetually single–and you don’t want to be, there’s something wrong with you. There, I said it. Don’t blame it on men being superficial. Blame it on you being a crappy date. Unless you live in the middle of smalltown Iowa, in which case I’m a little more sympathetic, but seriously, it’s probably still your fault, especially if you’re one of those assholes who scorns Internet dating. Whenever I hear some fat chick say, “I have no idea why I’m alone!”, I want to go through a laundry list for her, because it’s always so obvious. Even the guys who are willing to look past your weight can’t deal with your jacked-up face, your total lack of humor, your junior high vocabulary, and your skank clothes.
For instance, not a single one of the women in the two episodes of “More to Love” I’ve watched has said something funny. In fact, when Luke asks each of them in turn if they’ll wear the ring that signifies their staying on the show another week, each of them in turn says, “Of course.” I’ve been waiting for even just one of them to say “bitch, please” or fake like they don’t want it only to throw their arms around him and snatch it out of his hands a second later, but they’re all so worried about losing their “one” chance for “true” love that all behave like robots. Whiny, sobbing robots.
My boyfriend called the show depressing, but I really delight in watching these pathetic women mope around. None of them are actually the least bit interested in this guy specifically, as far as I can tell, and are only interested in him being interested in them. And he’s too pleased with the opportunity to grope 20 fatties to care. I mean, MAYBE the producers are hiding the parts where Luke and the ladies have deep, meaningful conversation about politics and religion, but it seems like the most intimate information the group has about Luke is the name of his dog.
I had a long-distance relationship like this once: the guy would want to talk about how interested he was in the sinking of the Titanic every single time he called me–I mean, he really, really loved the Titanic–and I just wanted to talk about how in love we were. But I realized I was using him, whereas these girls are planning their weddings.
And the worst part is that they make absolutely none of this secret to him. They tell him that they’d pursue their music careers if only they had better images. They tell him that they’re virgins. They tell him, “You’re my first second date.” And he uses these confidings as teachable moments where he gets to build their self-confidence by calling them sexy and telling them to believe in themselves. And they cry.
It’s pretty clear that in the end, Luke’s going to pick the thinnest/prettiest girl in the house regardless of her personality, and all the other girls who were using his choosing her as sole proof that there’s hope for fat girls are going to kill themselves.
I finally asked my boyfriend why I’ve been able to find love when these women haven’t, and he said, “Because you’re not psychotic.” Win.
Did you catch that part, beloved DIW readers, about perpetually single folk? It bears repeating: "If you’re single–if you’re perpetually single–and you don’t want to be, there’s something wrong with you."
That's what Katie thinks. What about you, is there something wrong with perpetually single folk? |
Poster Boy and I split a year and a half ago, and that's a good thing. It's been great for both of us.
The thing that still sucks though? I love his family.
The first time I met his grandmother, she walked into the room in her coordinated pantsuit, her smart black wig, giant glasses and dangling, colorful earrings and waved her cigarette at me while exclaiming in a voice that can only come from years of chain smoking, "What a pretty girl!"
How could I not fall in love?
I sent Poster Boy's family Christmas cards last year, the first Christmas in a half-decade that I wasn't with them. I've had drinks with some of them since going solo, gotten together once or twice. But I haven't heard from the grandparents (who adore their only grandson with a sweetly blind fervor) since the breakup.
So when I saw a missed call from their house on my phone last week, my heart started pounding. Shit, shit, shit. They're old, and not very healthy.
There was a voice mail. I called, my hands practically shaking, not at all willing to hear bad news about these people, who for the years I knew them were more kind to me than most of my own grandparents had ever been.
A message from poster boy's aunt:
"Hey, (Serial). I was just calling because my mom's cleaning some stuff out of the house, and she has this bear that wears costumes, and she wanted to send it to you. She said you had admired it once. So we need your address, if you send it now maybe we can get it to you in time for Halloween. Call us back here. We miss you sweetheart, hope you're doing good."
I called back, I'd missed grandma, so I left my address with grandpa. He told me how it had been a good relationship, and to keep in touch, and that they wanted me to know how much they had always liked me.
I can't wait to get that goddam bear. |
Last night, I had a newish squeeze over for a movie. I succumbed to a frantic week, and passed out about 20 minutes in. I woke to the credits, and a large hand pinching my thigh.
"Hmf," I said, in my best imitation of myself from Jr. High, "Can't I just sleep here?"
"You can sleep wherever you want," he said. "I'm gonna go get naked and get in your bed."
And that, boys, is how you convince a lady. |
|
just to be sure I thought I'd ask |
|
|
|
|
When a young woman tells you to "stop doing that with your toes and get out of my house in fact forget it i'm calling the cops and im telling all our friends what you did and i cant believe you did that i feel sick to my stomach." is there any possible way that she's just playing hard to get? My intuition tells me that she was actually upset, but just to be sure i thought I'd ask. |
There's a chance you haven't heard of the abomination that is the Snuggie (I think half the haters out there secretly want one):
And just for fun, and your edification, we'll include the popular parody video, too:
Well thank the lord for the internet. Because some genius has created a new Web site, the Snuggiesutra. Because I just KNOW you were fresh out of ideas on how to integrate the Snuggie into your love life.
Here's one position called The Tablecloth:
"She lies on the table. He wears the Snuggie on his front while the bottom end covers her. It’s just not a holiday without stuffing." |
|
Too Busy to Look for Love? |
|
|
|
This story in the Houston Chronicle tells a story that will be very familiar to us. It's the same old problem of finding a balance between profession life and personal life, applied to singles who find themselves too busy to date. Or as this YouTube song "Addicted to Stress" puts it, "I love to spend a little time with this woman that I'm seeing, except we never really get a little time to spend together, so we call each other up and we talk about work."
That's why the motto of Slinky Dating is "Live Life, Love Life". When you're "too busy" to find time to socialize, you're not loving life. What you're doing is chaining yourself to the treadmill to get ahead, but you never get the time to enjoy the rewards of your hard work. It's going to be even tougher to find that balance when there's a global recession going on, so let's all try to make it our mantra next year: "I will find the time for me, and for the ones I love."
Jodie Brittain
Slinky.com.au |
|
Dear Serial: I humped my friend's husband |
|
|
|
Dear Serial,
Apparently, a friend of mind just found out I fucked her husband. Thing is, it only happened one time, and it was years and years ago. I mean, it happened more than 10 years ago. It happened before they even got together, it was before I even got together with my now husband. Now, we’re all really good friends and have been for years, but recently, she’s saying weird stuff like, “sometimes you just wish you didn’t know things” and just being kind of strange towards me.
I told my husband about that pity-fuck years ago, he’s not upset. What should I say to my friend?
Thanks,
Married and not going there ever again
Dear MANGTEA (that’s kind of funny, at first when I looked at that, I thought it said Mangenta, which would clearly be a hot new color in men’s wear, much more masculine than purple),
Don’t say a thing. You did your duty and disclosed your long-forgotten pity fuck to your husband; it was pally over there’s job to tell HIS wife about any potentially-awkward fucks, oh, I dunno, maybe before they got married? That is, of course, if he was going to tell her. There’s a certain point at which, if you haven’t mentioned it already, you should just let the fuck lie.
Plus, what if you say something, and that’s not what she was talking about? Especially if he hasn’t told her? That conversation’s going to be fun. “Oh, you were talking about how you finally noticed that I dog-eared your grandmother’s copy of Gone With the Wind? Oh. Heh. Well nevermind all that about fucking your husband. Oh, and the “pity” thing? What did I mean by that? Well certainly did not mean that I’m more attractive than your husband or that he was super desperate in the period leading up to him getting with you. No. Not at all.”
Leave it be, Mangenta.
Love,
Serial
Got a question for Serial Monogamist? Want to tell her how full of shit she is? Do it. We dare ya. Send your email to seriallymonogamous[at]gmail[dot]com. |
|
Meetingmillionaires.com - Why Should a Millionaire Use a Dating Site? |
|
|
|
At first, it seems like a counter-intuitive idea. There's this old stigma that online personals and dating websites are for "losers" who can't find love the "regular" way. This idea is as outdated as the belief that wearing something red will ward off the plague; these days, the majority of currently matched-up couples have used a dating site to find their perfect match.
But what use does a millionaire have for this? Can't he just drive up to the beach club in his Alfa Romeo, toot his horn, and drive away with a carload of giggling bikini babes ready to frolic alongside his indoor swimming pool back at his mansion? Well, in reality, it isn't that simple, no matter how many rock music videos disagree. This is millionaire dating.
In fact, anybody who's made their million or two the hard way isn't going to have the time for that sort of thing. The fact is, being a tycoon is a stressful undertaking, which is a shocking fact that the working class doesn't often perceive. To the wage-earner, five o'clock is quitting time and that's the last they have to think about work until tomorrow. But when you're the CEO, it's NEVER quitting time! You're thinking about work the first thing when you wake up in the morning. You bring the Wall Street Journal to the breakfast table. Your day is exhausting, and even when you're on vacation, you could be sailing a yacht on the Caribbean and inside your head all you can hear is "How's my stock? It dropped five points yesterday; will I lose ground? Maybe I should merge with that other company."
This may sound to the average person of median income as if it's a lot of angst and drama, but it isn't. This is just the sort of motivated, hard-driving individual it takes to achieve millionaire status in the first place.
With all of these concerns, many well-to-do older men realize that dating is just one more thing they need to outsource. And really, online dating is more efficient, and that's how millionaires think. They don't have the time to bother with a lot of extra padding drama and looking around. In fact, a relationship with a millionaire will require some understanding on the part of their companion, because he's going to have to answer his phone sometimes, after all. Maintaining a fortune tends to make one busy.
Even a millionaire who is "old money", as in inherited, still has to do some work to keep it. In today's economy, it isn't enough to simply have a pile of cash in a bank account, you have to be very careful what you do with it. There were a lot of paper millionaires just a few years ago who have seen their stocks and investments turn their fortune into dust. Money takes management.
So on the whole, dating websites are actually a welcome relief for millionaires. They take out a lot of the guesswork and searching, while not cutting out any of the fun parts.
Jodie Brittain |
|
More on being friends with exes |
|
|
|
"The girls who work with my new girlfriend said you walked by the other day and were glaring at her."
"The girls who work with your new girlfriend know who I am?"
"I guess so."
"Huh. Why would I do that? That's stupid."
"I know."
"Did you tell them that I wasn't glaring, that that's just what my face looks like?"
"Yeah, I told her you just have sort of a scowely face."
"Thanks, dude." |
|
English Language Found Dead; Craigslist Wanted for Questioning |
|
|
|
 If you want to use the Craigslist site for looking for love, don't let us stop you. Just be aware that the site, through no fault of its own, tends to draw the lowest common denominator. This hilarious article goes into the many flakes, posers, and just plain brainless minions who post on Craigslist just because they can. The best is the third point, "Mediocrity in the first degree.". We'd like to see more people loosen up when they write a profile. Make fun of yourself. Make fun of dating. Make fun of the person reading. After browsing 1000 profiles before getting to yours, think how much attention you'll get if you are the one who throws every idea about online dating out the window and posts something daring and original. Jodie Brittain |
**Makes sense this would come in from an anon.
A few years ago an ex of mine (who dumped me), died. We'd lost touch, but I heard about it through old friends. What sucks is that she was quite young. What is weird is that after hearing of her death, I had a few dreams about her. In the dreams she was yelling at me (in our two year relationship she never yelled, ever) and telling me how horrible I was at relationships. So I started thinking about her and our relationship and recognized that she was right, that I really was bad at being in a relationship. I communicated rarely and when I did I was aloof and distracted. I am ashamed to say that I think I went for months without looking her in the eye. I judged her for her inability to find a job, I criticized her for her shyness at parties, and one time, oh god, I even called her fat.
No wonder she dumped me, though at the time I remember feeling it all as quite unfair. At any rate, the realization that I had been such an asshole, no, that I'd actually been way worse than just an asshole, I'd been a mean asshole, hit me pretty hard and I was filled with massive remorse. All I wanted to do was apologize -- but she was DEAD! Frankly, the whole thing was really kinda sad. |
One night stand gone horribly, horribly wrong:
Thanks, Ms. Disheveled! |
Well, with all the news lately of global economic problems, you don't need us to tell you that some people are strapped for cash.
Even when the economic forecast is sunny, young people in their dating years and students especially need some pointers on how to date inexpensively without seeming cheap. So we won't suggest you make every date a budget date, but even throwing one of these every third time or so will make a difference - and for once you'll have a different idea besides "dinner and a film"!
1. Have a 'pet date'.
Have a dog? Does your friend have a dog? Great, let's find a park where they can both romp around and frisk together, while you two can spend some time together. It almost suggests itself.
2. An ecology outing.
Everybody talks about long walks on the beach, but what about a visit to a forest, National Park, historic site, or ancient abandoned city? Some local tours in your area might prove inexpensive, and other outdoor sports such as rafting, hiking, mountain climbing, or trail biking usually have groups and tours that get together for outings. Aside from the equipment, these are cheap to attend, and even the equipment for most things isn't that far out.
3. Visit a museum.
Your local museum misses you. Museums are inexpensive and never crowded. You get to leisurely stroll through, setting your own pace. You get to impress your date with your thoughts on Rodin and Renoir. And every large city has a science exhibit, which is great fun because they're interactive. Zoos are another economical choice.
Jodie Brittain |
OK here are some more budget date ideas;
4. Go gambling.
Whoa! Gambling is not cheap, is it? Well, in any area where gambling is legal, there'll usually be a few locations catering to the "low-rollers". Penny and nickel slots, dollar bets on craps tables, video keno, horse racing and such. The benefit here is that you get to control how much you spend. Exercise restraint, and at the worst you'll have fun for a few hours and at best you'll win a jackpot.
5. Attend a convention.
Any hobby or interest which you share with your partner may be an opportunity to attend a convention geared towards it. Science fiction conventions, car shows, career fairs, electronics shows, Renaissance Faires, and all matter of organized outings are both economical and a fresh change of pace. Remember it's only as fun as you make it! Agree ahead of time that if it's a bust, you can leave early.
6. Take your date to work.
This only applies if you have a job or position where you can (a) be allowed to have social companions, and (b) they won't interfere with the job. Freelancers, professionals, any job that involves driving, and any work that gives you your own private office space is ideal. Don't invite your date to watch you work the cash register at McDonald's, but if you drive a truck cross-country, by all means bring your sweetie!
7. Attend a LAN party.
This goes for hard-core computer gamers only, which is more and more of both men and women these days. Most of these events are a small fee and "bring your own laptop". Not rollicking fun for a date, but something different - and you can always check into a room later.
Jodie Brittain |
I recently went out on a perfectly fine little first date. Date was on time, cute enough, and the conversation was good. So good, in fact, that we were both shocked to discover that it was nearly 2 a.m.
As I waited for a cab, he stood on the curb with me, close enough to smell. Smelled nice. We talked about seeing "Action Flick by That One Really Good Director," and he said he'd call me to arrange it, told me he would be out of town for a couple of days, but he'd be back by midweek. As my cab pulled up, I saw him going for a kiss, but I was feeling like dragging things out (anticipation can be fun), so I have him a hug, a big smile and a wink, and I was off.
A week later, nay, more than a week later, I got a text:
"Seen Action Flick Yet?"
I was a little confused about why it had taken so long to make any contact, but I shrugged and replied:
"Not yet."
A week later, I sent a text:
"Cat got your tongue? Well, no worries, I'll see it solo. Best, June."
He replied:
"No no, my friend. I just wasn't particularly enthused by your response. What time do you get off work this week?"
Really, internet? Would you go out with a guy who's that high-maintenance? I mean, what did he want, a smiley face emoticon at the end of the text?
Is there an emoticon that means "Fat Chance"? |
|
And While You're At It... |
|
|
|
 In this excellent article The 5 Dates All “Nice Guys” Should Go On, men who are too "nice" are given a sound spanking and put in a corner, before getting some new instructions on how to break themselves of the "nice guy" habit and become a man who gets women. We love that, and to go with this list, we'd like to recommend five women all "nice guys" should date. Because after these sharp-taloned harpies are done with you, your shining armor will be rusted right off. Go get 'em, Galahad! A spoiled "princess". This is just the woman who will appreciate having a neutered cow around for a pet boyfriend. Thrill to her demands, her whining, her suspicion, her manipulation! She will demand an endless stream of expensive gifts and still not be appeased at all.
A supermodel. Just go hang out at a studio and pick you up some arm candy. Now try to keep up with somebody who is too busy to go out, too rich to expect anything but the best, and never in a good mood because she's starving to death.
A heroin addict. Really, any hard drug will do. Spend some time partying with a woman who will leave stains on your soul, as she uses you for a place to crash, harasses you constantly for money for her next fix, and surprises you at work on Monday at 10 AM by calling you from jail.
A heavy career woman. We're talking the bossy power-suit type. A Harvard-graduated business lawyer who's ten years older than you is ideal. She'll "wear the pants" and expect you to keep her house and be there every day for her to come home and use as a doormat.
A psycho. Just take a clue from the film "Fight Club" and hang out at support groups for emotional wrecks, until you find your "Marla". You'll learn new definitions for excitement as she stalks you, gets you fired, embroils you in her latest conspiracy theory, and of course puts you through the whole almost-committing-suicide drama.
 |
|
The Importance of Being Assertive |
|
|
|
 We loved this little slice-of-dating-life story over at the Sun-Herald, because it sets up the Aesop for an important point: When it's not working, step on it and go on to something else as fast as possible. Her adventures relate her disappointment with a boyfriend who had the emotional substance of jello. And after 27 years absence from the dating pool, that last thing you want is someone who's going to waste your time. As a souvenir of her experience, she had a shirt printed up which says "I wait for no man!" You go, Elaine! Pick up that self-esteem and go find somebody who regards you as a treasure to be cherished. To anybody else in Elaine's position, we recommend a new way to see yourself: as a god or goddess for one week. Demand presents, peace offerings, prayers, sacrifices, and be sure to pull the occasional miracle out of your hat to keep your minions trembling with respect. Jodie Brittain Slinky - The Free Dating Site |
|
More on staying friends with exes |
|
|
|
A recent text conversation:
"I'll be home at 7 lover."
"I'm not your lover."
"What?"
"Check your outbox. You sent me a message clearly not intended for me."
"Oh, sorry. Don't know how that happened."
"Douche." |
|
ModelMeet.com - Get what you really want |
|
|
|
|
Instead of meeting women via the regular dating sites, why not try meeting models only, and find what you are really looking for. If you have been unsuccessful with other online dating sites, then you may have been targeting the wrong groups of women. When you meet models you will find that they are high calibre people who give you a whole new perspective on life. They can treat to you to aspects of their life that no one else can offer. You also get to meet very attractive women who are also very intelligent. Don’t waste anymore of your valuable time on the regular dating sites that don’t give you what you really want.
ModelMeet.com
|
|
Salesmen Need Not Apply in Online Dating |
|
|
|
I was quite amused at this story about a speed-dating event in which one guy showed up and just handed out resumes. Clearly, this guy has trouble transitioning from the online world to the offline. "Well", he must have thought, "You use a profile to land a date online. You use a resume to land a job offline. Why not?" The "Why not?" is because people don't like to be treated like that. They showed up in person to see you, not read a piece of paper you've handed them. And they probably don't want your business card, either. Furthermore, when you print up resumes for a dating event, what you're really saying is "I can't think outside the office." Which is a shame, because - singles take note - the really interesting things in a relationship happen in the bedroom. Like I've advised in earlier blog posts, you should also leave behind the phone, laptop, and other gizmos on a date, even a speed-date. There's a difference between being being tech-savvy and tech-dependent. When you can't be pried away from your gadget, you're telling your date that they will never have your undivided attention. A woman can look like Carmen Electra, be dressed like Leelu in the Fifth Element and be doing Chinese-acrobat cartwheels on her way to engaging in some carnal act with you from the back pages of the Kama Sutra, and you'd be all "Yeah, uh-huh, very nice, hon. Oh my God! My stock went up half a point!" Jodie Brittain  |
Dear Facebook,
First, let me make it clear that I think it is gross when ANYONE posts a profile picture that features people kissing. I don't really care if people post kissing photos in albums, and it doesn't bother me when people's profile pictures include a significant other. In fact, I think that is kind of sweet. But I draw the line at kissing pictures. And I know I am not alone. A friend of mine just a few minutes ago posted a status message about how gross it was to watch people kissing in public (on a plane). No, it's not better when it is a photo instead of live.
So, Facebook, because I don't want to see kissing photos of anyone -- not newlyweds, not close friends, not my grandparents, not strangers -- no matter how attractive they are, it should come as no surprise to you that I do not want to see it when my ex-boyfriend posts a profile picture of him kissing his current girlfriend. Let me make it clear that I honestly and truthfully never think about this ex. I don't think about any of my exes, and I don't harbor any kind of feelings for any of them, negative or positive. Note that no negative feelings means I do not unfriend my exes on Facebook because that would require feelings, specifically unfriendly ones. It is possible for me to have no feelings of any sort for my exes because I don't communicate with them. At all. This method has always worked amazingly well and has made my life low on drama and heartache. Best of all, it's very easy for me.
It was also easy for me to move on. It was easy for me to get into a good relationship with someone I truly love, live with and have been with for a long time. It was easy for me to not think of my ex. However, you have caused a quandary, Facebook. Yes, I did hide his updates from appearing in my news stream so that I could continue life with the luxury of not thinking about him. But, as I explained beofre, he is still there. That means when I search my friends, sometimes I see his photo.
This brings me to yesterday, and the suddently stronger-than-usual aversion to kissing photos. My eyes registered the kissing photo, and my brain said, "hmm, that's gross, but you don't care. Why would you care? You haven't thought about him for a long time, and you have no ill will toward him, so it shouldn't bother you that he has a girlfriend. Who he is kissing. In his Facebook profile picture. ... What are you doing? Why are you clicking on it? Now you're going to see his whole profile, you idiot! What?! You're clicking it again so you can see a bigger version of it? Why? Why would you ... huh, he still lives in that same crappy apartment. Close this page! Good job."
So, you see, Facebook, you are messing up my whole strategy. Of course, that was yesterday and this is today. Today, I don't care about the ex-boyfriend-kissing-new-girlfriend photo. (Did I ever?) Of course, I'm not looking at it right now either. Why am I not looking at it? Because photos of people kissing being put as their Facebook profile pictures is GROSS, and that is really all I was trying to say. Really.
Get a Room Or Stop Snogging |
|
Now How to Avoid Being "Just Friends"? |
|
|
|
 There's a lot to love in this list of six signs you’ve fallen into the “friend zone”, but while we're at it, why not try to find the point where we made the mistake to end up here, and then see what we could do differently? Follow along with the list, guys: When your date mentions that she is seeing someone else: your mistake was in not making it clear that you thought of the two of you as being "serious"! In any case, when it gets this far, move to the dump stage. Try to end it gracefully. Your date brings up sex, when you havn't had sex yet: When this happens, you have about five seconds to wiggle out of your clothes and jump her bones. This is the very last subtle hint that she's ready for sex right now, and if you don't make it happen right now, you're dead from the waist down in her book.
She lets you see her sweaty/dirty, etc.: That's it, relationship's over. You didn't make your move soon enough.
Saying "gee, thanks": She's not impressed! She's telling you to sweep her off her feet and rock her world, and you're being her timid little polite bellhop. You've got five seconds to Hulk out, or get lost.
The "buddy" or "brother" title: Your bad. If you act like a buddy or a brother to a woman, she will think of you that way! You should have already made it clear that you're not looking for a sister.
She tells you she's not interested: Well, then, the time has come to move on. At least you didn't mess up the above five items so badly that she couldn't even tell that that's what you're looking for. Try to end it gracefully.
Jodie Brittain
 |
|
|
